TWO DAY'S IN A ROW OF VIDEOS WOOOOO!
Today I worked fucking 9 hours and it was brutal but good money as always. Also it should be noted that last night at 3:30 AM Kyle called me from Brooklyn telling me he was locked in his car surrounded by "enemies," and didn't know where his friends were. He does not remember doing this. HA!
After work I zoomed home and got changed and zoomed to Northport for a little basement show/party that Tyler was playing. I went there once last year, and it was different from I remembered, I was hoping to meet some people but I felt a lot less outgoing than I had originally planned, but it was nice seeing some Commack bros and there was a fine gathering of Smithtownians as well.
Shenanigans. I'm only posting this next one because Omar says don't film this and I ran into some random dude and you can hear me say "sorry" at the end.
Then the beginning of Tyler's set.
Then here's Tyler's set, I actually think I missed the first song... but whatevz.
Amazing set. I was pretty awestruck. You've come a long way since This Barrel to Hazel buddy! No joke though man, better every time I hear you play, amazing stuff.
Then chilled for a little while longer and eventually took Kim home and had some nice talks, despite her drunk-nyquil-bronchitisized self. I sort of realized that I rarely ever think about the reasoning behind the judgements I make, or the thought process I go through when determining whether or not I like someone, or dislike them, or anything for that matter... which was kind of alarming. I got into thinking about it a lot more since then and I came back to some recurring thoughts I've been having lately about originality and the reason behind my actions and my overall motivation to do the things I do, say the things I say, etc. Lately I've been thinking a lot about how much I crave attention, and how I feel like I say a lot of the things I say just so someone hears me say them, as in nothing I really say or think is a thought of my own. I like the things I like just to be able to tell people I like them, that type of deal... it's weird because now I keep racking my brain and even writing this right now feels like I'm sharing it with all of you just so you hear me say it. I can't really tell how much merit this has, because I don't really know what drives me to do things or say things, so assuming that what I just wrote is true would be just as stupid as assuming anything else. I don't know. I don't want to second guess myself more and more as a result of this, but I do need to give this some more thought for sure, because I hate feeling like I have nothing to call my own, and I hate questioning my own character, which has been happening a lot lately. This is a hard thought to capture, but whatever.
Also, lastly, in regards to last night, Kyle's situation really just reassured my theory about girls. I seriously (and yes, this is cynical, but I'm not being funny or pessimistic,) think that in order to have a girl like you, you can't like her. This is just for a certain type of girl, and obviously once you engage in a relationship with a girl things are different, but I'm talking about the very beginnings. It's seriously disgusting how true it is that we all love challenges, and I am so guilty of it myself, historically and presently. I can chase a girl forever and unless there's some random happening that shifts me into a stronger emotion, as soon as the girl shows affection, I lose interest. This, which I previously assumed to be true of just guys, is arguably more true of girls. Girls love guys who don't give a shit. And what sucks is, that you can't really fake this, nor should you try really... and what sucks more is that, since you can't fake it, the guys who don't give a shit, genuinely don't give a shit, so it doesn't matter either way to them. It's like an eternal spiral. This all sounds really douchey, but the situation I'm referring to is a perfect example and I'm not gonna use names right now because I haven't asked him if it's cool, not that anyone reads this hahaha, but, the girl was obsessed with him, and they were sort of together, but he didn't care at all, thus the relationship was sort of nothing to him. He would have felt no different if this relationship didn't exist. So, he is in no gain or loss. At some point, he gets feelings, and then she starts to lose interest, and now he gets upset that she's not the same as she was when she was chasing him. This sounds a lot more trivial in writing, but in my head this was a pretty important thought. FUCK YA'LL. Alright, enough with this shit, let's talk business, acquire more currency, disregard bitches. TYLER THE CREATOR RIGHT THERE. No, but seriously, the world of attraction and emotional connection is a fucking shitshow to me and I will never grasp it completely, that's pretty much all I'm trying to get at here. Whatever, I'm tired, and I'm eating more pizza.
Goodnight.
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