Well I'm homeward bound tomorrow until next year. Ran out of money. It sucks. But whatever I wasn't accomplishing anything here anyway. I hope I can get somewhere while I'm home but who knows either. I hate this feeling of just drifting, and I feel it more and more and more now, even though I've felt it to a degree my whole life, what with moving to a different town or state every other year. I think having a niche is probably the most important thing, no matter how small it is, because with that you can feel belonging and accomplishment. Growing up, going to 6 different schools, constantly adjusting, I don't think I've ever really had that, and I think I feel it's effects most strongly these days, when I'm trying to find independence and self-sustaining happiness and fulfillment. I love my friends with all my heart but I always feel like an outsider looking in, and we're past the years of no responsibilities and everyone's branching out and gaining their independence, but I'm still stuck trying to figure everything else out. I also feel like this is probably why the last few years of my life I've had such a drive to have a girlfriend, because that's a role to fill, a niche. You feel needed. Realizing how dependent you are sucks. I don't really know what I'm getting at and I don't really know how to solve it yet, part of me wants to just hole up in my room at home and get right on my own and maybe get myself to start looking at the world differently, and the other part of me knows that I'll probably just go bat shit crazy if I try that. Who knows, day at a time I suppose.
So it goes.
EDIT: Also I really can't stop listening to this song, it's incredible:
Foxes In Fiction : 'School Night' from Jamie Harley on Vimeo.
I really like the video too except that one part where it zooms in on the kids face for like 15 seconds...
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